Lethal Chemical Found in Dorms

Large quantities of a lethal chemical, Dihydrogen Monoxide, have been identified by experts in Brady, Osborn, The Student Village, the Apartments, The Townhouses, and the Row Houses. Trace amounts were also found in most of the academic buildings and the Cisler Center. Dihydrogen Monoxide is colorless and odorless, and also known as Hydric Acid. While it is not officially classified as a toxic or carcinogen, it has killed in a variety of ways. Accidental inhalation, even in small quantities can cause injury or death. Prolonged exposure to it's solid form can cause severe tissue damage. In its gaseous form, it can cause severe burns. It is found in the bowls of many rabid and dangerous dogs. Despite the risks, this harmful chemical is used in the production of Styrofoam, for suppressing fire, in a variety of bath houses and swimming pools worldwide, for cleaning. Even more shocking, it is used as an additive in food products, including baby food, and all natural fruit juices. Its presence has been linked to every incident of school violence across the country. So, if you are really concerned about safety at your University, contact Brandon Zajac, Secretary of Student Services and Concerns, at concerns@lssu.edu, and call Bill Whitman, Director of Public Safety, at x6841. If you believe you have been exposed, call the 24/7 Chippewa County DHMO Exposure Hotline immediately at (906) 635-2551.
